losing everything for being stupid.

People are so used to look only for themselves that they forget that they may hurt someone else, some times they do and don't even care about it.
well, I feel like I'm on that group, it seems that I'm so selfish that I end up hurting the ones I care the most.. I never wanted to be like that and I really thought I was different but I'm not.. I don't like to admit it, I'm actually afraid of thinking that I act that way..
this last years have changed me, I'm worse and at the same time I'm better than I used to be.. (is that even possible?) I used to believe in things that I don't believe anymore, and I'm not talking about Santa or something like that.. I believed that everybody was kind, nice, but then I noticed that it wasn't true, there are people who damage everything they touch, they ruin every live they got in to.. most of them are mean, evil, cruel, heartless, but there are people who know how to treat the others right, with respect and loyalty..
I don't know if you ever thought about this but, the ones you hurt aren't the ones you love? (people you like, you care about) you might never thought about harming but still, you're doing it, and you keep doing it until you lose them..
today I stopped and thought about what I was doing with my life and I realized that I'm always making the same mistakes, always putting myself first, (which is a good thing to do actually, but sometimes I need to remember that I have some kind of priorities besides myself) I'm always thinking about my problems that I end up thinking that they are the biggest ones, and I'm the only one who has this problems.. I'm so tired of being like that I'm so tired of losing, losing a part of me, losing friends, losing the trust that they put on me..
now I understand what I've been doing all this years, I know why people give/gave up on me, I can see what they saw..
all I need is to be away from my 'problems' so that I can take care of my life, go on with it..
note: I needed to write, just to tell what in thinking about lately and explain am I getting away from some of my 'friends'..